The Alternate Reality of a Beach Vacation

I have discovered yet another evidence that beach vacations do indeed cause a ripple in the space time continuum. Sometimes those ripples are so severe, we a thrust onto another, alternative, reality. Chaos theory predicts that it is possible to shift between realities, this trip to the beach is proving the validity of the theory.

This morning, just before noon, I was sitting on the beach reading a book. All the kids and all of the adults went back up to the condo, leaving me alone to enjoy the sounds of the crashing waves, the call of the sea birds, the laughter of other people's children and the solitude to read my book. Everything I ever imagined a beach vacation could be was being manifest before my eyes. Tears were welling up in my eyes as I considered the glory of the moment.

I gathered my emotions and continued reading.

Perhaps I had five minutes of this idyllic circumstance when Sue came down to join me. She said she felt badly that I had been left alone. Surprisingly, she had little to say to me. She just spread out a blanket and lay down. It didn't take long for her to get restless. She rose from her position and looked at me like she was about to ask me for something.

She looked at me and asked, "Are you hungry?"
"A little," I replied.
"Everyone went upstairs to get lunch."
"Uh-huh," I said with trepidation.
"Would you like me to bring you some lunch?"

It was at this point that all my programmed responses failed me. There has been very little in my experience that would have prepared me for that question. I expected, "Would you like to go up and get lunch with me?" or "Let's go upstairs and get some lunch." But instead I was asked, "Would you like me to bring you some lunch?"

I'm sure I must have had that stunned look of a deer caught in the beam of headlights of an oncoming car because Sue then asked me the same question again.

As the shock wore off, I spoke with perfect honesty, "I don't know how to respond. Of course I would like to have you bring me lunch, but I somehow feel I have to say 'no'."

She laughed and asked, "What are you afraid of?"
"I don't know, but 'yes' just didn't feel right."

Sue left me with my book and went upstairs to fetch my lunch. To be perfectly honest, I did not expect her to return, but about ten minutes later she came down with a lovingly prepared chicken salad sandwich, some carrot sticks and a side of chips.

Vacations can play tricks on your mind, on the behavioral patterns of loved ones, and I believe, in this case, on the very fabric of space and time.

A Family Vacation - Day One

Time for a family vacation. We're headed to the pearl of the Redneck Riviera, Fort Walton Beach, Florida. I've been to a number of beaches in the continental U.S., and the beaches of the Florida panhandle are some of the most beautiful. Walking along the beach with my wife, playing in the surf with my kids, lounging on the white sand beaches while soaking in the view of the azure blue waters. Sounds great, doesn't it?

On this vacation, Sue has invited her brothers, sisters and one of her cousins to join us, along with their kids. The invitations resulted in two sisters and a female cousin along with all their kids, for a sum total of me, four women, and seven boys between the ages of 6 and 16.

So as a preview we began our trip with a drive from home to a layover with the grandparents in Baton Rouge. For the first two hours, my lovely bride tried to coordinate a flight for her drifter of a brother to meet us at the condo. There was a lot of talking to airline reservation agents, sisters, cousins and mothers. About two hours into that effort, she gave up. We stopped for lunch, gas, and biological reasons a few minutes later.

Back in the car, Sue talked to me about how we need to prepare ourselves to move into a new house, about how we can't possibly have more children, about how she hoped the dogs were okay and on and on and on...

Oh, and we took a picture.



Another bio break two hours later.

Back in the car, the conversations shifted to her mother. About how her mother had started giving all of Grandma's jewelry away, how some of the jewelry was ugly and how when we have a little extra money we should reset the stone in one of the rings, about doing yoga on the beach. There was a blessed interruption of a phone call from one of her sisters to coordinate meeting up tomorrow for the final leg of the journey to the beach. After the coordination was complete, going to sister-in-laws, we spoke about the lunacy of her father and, did I mention, we're going to her dad's house to visit my brand new sister-in-law. That's right my children have a new aunt.

About fifteen minutes left to go in our trip to Baton Rouge, I heard the most magical, wonderful words I never thought I would ever hear from my wife: "My throat hurts. Maybe I should stop talking.

The silence lasted about thirty seconds. It was the most wonderful thirty seconds I have ever experienced.

Ever.

Then the talking began again.

I can't wait for day two.