Backing Up On My Beach Vacation

I think there is a law written somewhere that whenever you are with family, eating is involved. There really doesn't need to be a holiday or wedding or funeral for this law to be invoked. All that needs to happen is that you have to get together with a part of your family that you do not share a roof with.

Last night we arrived at the grandparents' house. Pops wasn't there. He was on his way back from picking up some crawfish. So we ate crawfish; me, Sue, the boys, my brother and his family and my folks. Thirty-five pounds of crawfish with some corn and potatoes, and I think we had seven mudbugs left over. Six adults and 4 kids, of which only one could really eat on his own, I think the other kids went hungry. As the Apostle Paul says, "If you don't work, you don't eat."

Woke up this morning way too early, thirsty and bloated from all the salt in the crawfish the night before. But that's not all. When you eat too much salty food, and don't include any green vegetables in your diet, your body functions differently. Despite three cups of coffee that could melt your fingernails, there was no "movement." I am all about "movement." Under normal situations I am like clockwork. A couple of cups of coffee, wait thrity minutes, grab the newspaper and head to the reading room.

Five more hours of driving to get to the condo, and still nothing. The fullness I feel is more than I've experienced in a while. I drove most of the way to the condo with my pants unbuttoned. The seatbelt had to be loosened a little too often. I was squirming the whole time. As we got close, with the gulf breeze as an excuse, I rolled the windows down. My family doesn't know it, but they owe me a huge apology for complaining about the rolled down windows.

That experience passed, so to speak, and we arrived at the condo. We were greeted by my sister-in-law, who was busy preparing for our arrival.

As an aside, my wife is a genius. We rented a three bedroom condo. She told her brothers and sisters and this one cousin that we would pay for the condo under the condition that they were responsible for cooking.

Tonight’s meal was the responsibility of my sister-in-law that lives nearby. Tonight’s menu: lasagna.

Imagine bloated, constipated, and I am going to pile on pasta, cheeses and meat.

If you need me I’ll be on my throne. Waiting, hoping, praying.