Monday, February 4, 2013

Time for a little competition

I have a friendly competition with my financial adviser. In the last two quarters of last year, my portfolio beat his by a substantial amount, until December, when his made a comeback, and I cheated. Normally our competitions are limited to mutual funds, but I cheated and bought a stock. I beat him by a landslide, but the competition was unfair.

chart

So it is time for a new competition. But this time the competition is between the portfolio he is managing for me and a small amount of money I manage for myself. Specifically, I let him buy a specific fund on my behalf, and I bought one with my mad money that I thought would do better. We are both using a fundamentals approach to our picks. Purchases were made a few days apart, so here are the starting prices:

My pick: $12.535 per share


Financial Adviser pick: $2.340 per share*


At the end of business, Friday

Me: up 1.16%


FA: down 0.85%


This contest will last til the end of March, so stay tuned to see who wins.

*I picked a fund that does not generate income, my financial adviser picked an income generating fund. The increases/decreases in value will reflect any income generated by that fund.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

What if bacon is actually good for us?

My nephew had been under the weather for about two weeks. His aunt and grandmother, with all their medical expertise as a current and former bedside nurse, prescribed him a regimen of over the counter medications. One to reduce the fever, one to reduce his mucous, one to alleviate his stuffy nose, and one for the body aches. For a week he lived life under the fog of medications and at the end of the week he still felt like crap.
Then he asked me what he should do. I have no medical training, and, in fact, I had to drop my college Microbiology class because I was failing. That failure prompted me to switch my major from the hard sciences to the social sciences.

My response, of course, "Eat more bacon!" I also told him to keep the bacon fat and use it in his preparation of other food. More bacon means better health.
[amazon_image id="B000SSV8AA" link="true" target="_blank" size="medium" ]BACON shaped themed Adhesive Bandages[/amazon_image]

He came by a week later to announce that he took my advice and he felt much better now.

Go Bacon!

Oh! Did I mention that bacon is also a "wearable" food?

bacon-bikini-contest

Monday, January 21, 2013

Stories from the Real World

As told to me by a personal acquaintance who works in a hospital:

An elderly woman arrives in the ER with some minor injuries from a motor vehicle accident. As she is being tended to, she tells the nurse, the paramedic and the police officer in the exam room, what happened.

After getting in an accident with a younger man, she gets out of her car to inspect the damage and exchange information for insurance purposes. The younger man was acting "all crazy," harassing and berating her.

She delves into some details, which I won't go into here, but at the conclusion of her story she comments:
"After this, I am changing my stance on gun control. I think people should have guns. If I had a gun, I would have shot his ass!"

The cop snickers and replies, "Ma'am, thank you, but I can't really comment on that."

The nurse snorts and says, "Well I can. That's funny, and I think you're right!"

I'm always amazed at how real life can so easily sway a person's convictions.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

A Bitter Substitution

Just before Christmas, the unthinkable happened. I made a pot of coffee that tasted like crap. It tasted weak, and it did not provide the normal morning satisfaction Sue and I have come to expect from this arousing elixir, this gift of God.

blog-image-coffee-alarmclockSo the next morning, I tried again. I purposefully added more coffee grounds into the coffee maker, hoping that perhaps I had just lost count the morning before. It was stronger..., but not any better. Our coffee tasted less bold, or rather lacked taste altogether.

I tried again a third morning. Same result.

This was unacceptable, and my good name and my manhood were being questioned with these repeated "wimpy" coffee brews.

This was a problem.

A major problem.

A problem that required science.

So, one groggy morning (I think it was the weekend before Christmas, but I can't really remember because I've not been fully awake since the coffee issue emerged), I created an experiment to help identify the problem. My goal was to isolate the source of the problem, so I standardized coffee production.

Same filter, same coffee maker, same amount of water, same water source, same brand of coffee grounds, same time of day, and even the same coffee cups washed the night before with the same soap in the same manner. All these factors are essentially the same ones used prior to this coffee affliction entered our home.  Since I drink my coffee black, I did not have to be concerned with potential adulterating factors like creamer or sugar.

After going through these machinations since Christmas Day, I can now positively assert that the issue is not my coffee making abilities, it is the coffee.

Not only did my experimentation convince me it was the coffee, but I now have corroborating evidence that the coffee is the thing that changed.
Reuters is reporting that many of America's major brands have been quietly tweaking their coffee blends. While most coffee companies consider their blends trade secrets, and are loath to disclose exactly what goes into them, both circumstantial and direct evidence suggests they're now substituting lower-grade Robusta beans for some of their pricier Arabica, and degrading the quality of our coffee. - Yahoo! Daily Finance

In economics lingo, this is known as "substitution." Substitution is where one thing can be substituted for another and the relationship between price and demand does not. In other words, the coffee companies thought they could substitute Robusta beans for Arabica beans to reduce their costs all while maintaining their price point.

First the Feds want to trick us into believing that inflation is not so bad, now coffee companies are trying to pull the same crap.

I'll be the first to acknowledge that it is possible I am off my rocker, but Community Coffee, and Matt Saurage, if I find out you have altered a "Louisiana Tradition"... THIS IS NOT COOL, man!

Friday, December 28, 2012

A Christmas Story - The Phoenix Tree

Twas just weeks before Christmas,phoenix-the-legendary-bird
And the house was a mess
As we searched through the clutter
We exclaimed, "We need less!"

The decorations unpacked
And the tree in its stand
I plugged in the lights,
This isn't what we planned.

The lights did not work
That is just not right
No more, that's it,
Get that tree out of my sight.

This year we will start
a new tradition of less
Put the red tree in the trash
We don't need this much mess.

With less decorations
Garland adorning the mantle
A simple wreath on the door
Our Christmas was handled.

But then my eldest
observed in complaint
A Christmas with no tree
Is like a church with no saint

So the red tree in the trash
Came back in the house
The lights rigged to shine
We all said our wows.

The tree condemned to waste
Had been resurrected
Put back in its place,
The broken lights retested

Like a Phoenix from the ashes
Our tree is reborn
It has come back to life
years more to adorn.

Friday, December 14, 2012

A Short History of Cooking

When I was a kid in middle school, my dad worked for the LSU Agriculture Extension Service. I am still not quite sure what that is, exactly, but I remember going up to his office occasionally and visiting the bug lab.

Anyway, one fall in the early 1980s, he came home and announced to my mother that the department was putting together a cookbook. And since the folks who thought up this idea were the men in administrative roles in the department, they had the idea of the cookbook comprising recipes from the wives of the men who worked at the LSU Agriculture Extension Service.

That conversation started one of the biggest fights I can remember between my mom and dad.

The first problem is probably obvious, my mother was not going to have anything to do with the antiquated concept inherent in the premise of a "wives' cookbook."

Second, my mother is not renowned for her culinary preparation skills, and I suspect she did not want her deficit in this area on display for the world to see. My dad was the son of a caterer with a rich history of Italian cuisine. My mom's mom served plain spaghetti noodles as a side dish every year on Thanksgiving. Do I need to explain their food heritage any further?

Third, and this is only a guess, but, I bet my dad was significantly influential in coming up with the idea of a wives cookbook. Keep in mind that he grew up eating fabulous food...all the time. My mother left home with only rudimentary skills in the kitchen. I think partly as a way to help expand my mother's cooking repertoire, and to help expand his own dining variation, my dad really wanted to encourage my mother to explore in the kitchen a bit more.

The fight between them came to a head a few days later when my mom, apparently acquiescing, gave my dad a recipe to submit for the cookbook. It went something like this:

Seafood Salad


Preparation time: 45 minutes

Ingredients:

Transportation


A working telephone


Directions:

Dial 766-7823. Inform the person who answers that you would like to place an order to go. Be patient, you may be placed on hold for a minute or two. When they come back on the line ask for the seafood salad. Each seafood salad feeds about two adults, so be sure to order accordingly. Depending on when you call them, your order will be ready in about 20 minutes. After waiting an appropriate amount of time (this will depend on how far you live from the restaurant), drive to Mike Anderson's restaurant and pick up your order.


Serve chilled.



Of course my dad was livid. He was embarrassed, and his manipulation backfired very badly. I think the rice cooker for a Christmas present may have challenged this event for the Bad Judgement Award, but the cookbook episode will live with me forever.

This is my culinary heritage.

And this is why, in my forties, I am just now learning to cook. I don't mean making mashed potatoes from a box of potato flakes, I mean making things like baked pheasant, chicken and sausage gumbo and spiced pork over roasted vegetables. I've recently taken to making my gumbo with a base of homemade chicken stock.

I don't know if homemade stock is any better than what can be bought at the grocery store, but I ran across a blog post by a "foodie" type that justified my gumbo process, Five packaged foods you never need to buy again. Number 2 on that list was "Never buy stock or bullion." I did not need to read any further, I was now justified! The article then linked to a method for making and storing vegetable stock, a recipe I am looking forward to trying out.

Bon appétit

 

Friday, December 7, 2012

The secret lives of bald men

I am a bald(ing) man.

So when I was watching a generally uninspired episode of Family Guy with my teenage sons, there was an out take scene that I...well, just watch:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9YETpQ1V74

First, a message to the episode writer, Danny Smith:

I don't know who you think you are, but how dare you reveal that there is a bald guy "thing!" However, I have to thank you for the diversion from the REAL bald guy thing. I think you know what I'm talking about.

Now for the purpose of this post:

My boys have had a fascination with my bald(ing) head since they were little. My oldest routinely attempts to rubs my head for good luck. He is often thwarted by my lightning quick reflexes.

Recently, I grew a beard. No, this is not part of "Movember" or "No Shave November," I have another reason that will be revealed in the future.

My boys have taken to rubbing my beard. Because it is there they want to touch it. It alternatively feels soft or like velcro. They are fascinated with my beard.

A couple of days ago, we had a foundation repair company come out to give us an estimate on fixing the foundation on a house we are considering for purchase. The guy that came out was probably 10 years my junior, but he had a full beard. I told the boys I trusted his opinion more than a opinion I received from another foundation company that sent out a beardless estimator. Naturally, they asked me if there was a bearded guy thing.

"Why, yes there is."

They asked, "What is it?"

"When you grow your own beard, you will find out."