The Ant Wars. Invading Hordes!

There everywhere! Crawling across the counters. Invading the pantry. Infiltrating my son’s bedroom. They are even finding their way into the master bathroom. We’ve been invaded!

I am forced to employ a strategy of direct contact to beat back this might invasion force. They are incessant in their attack, finding gaps in the perimeter, and making their way into places they are not invited. I hate ants!

True to the rules of engagement, I am now forced to employ a solution to this invasion.

Using a standard 32 oz. spray bottle, I filled it with water, added 1 oz. of orange oil and a drop of dish soap. I love this stuff! Use this concoction to spray directly on the ants. Within seconds, the ants are dead. Their little bodies literally melt. It’s great fun to watch.

In addition to direct contact, the ants won’t crawl through it. The problem is that the stuff evaporates pretty quickly, so it is useful as a temporary barrier only. BTW, orange oil spray will melt any critter with an exoskeleton, but is perfectly safe for pets and people.

So yesterday, the boys and I, each armed with orange oil spray searched the house looking for ants. Walking from room to room, we beat back the invading armies, watching the foot soldiers fall in battle, beaten back by our biological weapons. But I fear, our victory is only temporary. Further strategies are needed to weaken the enemy further.

It’s War! Rules of Engagement

We fired Terminix last month. Not because Terminix was ineffective (they were), but because we are trying to trim expenses in preparation for the collapse of the economy :-) . So that means I am in charge of pest control. Specifically, I am at war with the ants.

This war has a few rules that I will obey:

1. I will not use chemical pesticides that contain neurotoxins.
2. All tools of war will be limited to things I can buy at the organic landscape supply store or that I can personally consume with no ill effect.
3. I will only use “smart bombs” to specifically target the bad bugs (i.e. ants, roaches, aphids, fleas and ticks).

The tools I will employ include, but are not limited to:

• soap
• vinegar
• orange oil
• boric acid
• spinosad (a byproduct of rum-making)
• diatamaceous earth

Let the battle begin!

An Easter Haiku

What's this arrogance?
That I observe what people do,
but cannot engage.

Exercise: A Poem

I'm off to the gym
to ride a bike to nowhere
that leaves me behind.

Goodbye!

I think this would be great for a divorce or a breakup greeting card:

We had some fun times while we were together
And many of those moments I’ll always treasure.
But I have to let you know just how I feel,
My muse has been crushed under your unappreciative heel.

So I’m freeing myself from your oppressive ways;
I hope to never see you for the rest of my days.
I’m sure losing you will improve my luck,
And from this day forward may your entire life suck.

Goodbye!

Smart Ass

A question from a coworker:

How come you have to be a SMART ASS About EVERYTHING?

My response, in verse:

I am pollen to the allergic,
A bit of sand to an oyster,
A lit fuse to fireworks,
And a pick to a guitar string.

By my small irritation,
Beauty is manifested,
Reactions are intensified,
Life is lived.

If I failed this role
Think how boring work would be.
Embrace your reactions
There’s no need to thank me.

The Path

(Based on a dream)

She sets out for a ride,
Hoping to clear her head,
Mindlessly pedaling down the wooded trail

The woods strangely silent
Seemingly full of dread
An omen of what’s to come when she is frail

Birds fail to sing their song
Squirrels don’t scamper by
But her mind can’t stop, trapped by her discontent

She pedals on, not concerned for time,
Yet worried about the things to come,
Regretting what has already passed.
The soulless oaks have nothing to say
The leaves fail to speak, the wind is still

The sun marches cruelly
To its daily slumber
Changing from yellow to orange, then to rust

She sees the nearing night
The stillness amplifies
Looking for her sense of place, she knows she’s lost

Unable to help herself, she calls
He answers and asks, “Where are you now?”
“I don’t know, a path less well kept,” she cedes.
“The trees were so strong and majestic.
Please come find me, only you can help.”

“I cannot follow you
I can wait for your return,”
He replied with a shudder that she could hear

“I’m scared and I’m lost.
I can’t turn back now”
She cried with anguish and whimpered, “I’m sorry.”

I am always here
I won’t leave this spot.
Just turn around now, trust my voice, don’t fear.

Twilight slipped to night as she turned.