Bacon is more than just an awesome food. Bacon is medicine. I explored its medicinal qualities several months ago in a post entitled: What if bacon is actually good for us? In an experiment with my nephew, we were able to isolate bacon as the anti-viral element that cured him of the flu.
That was six months ago. I have not been able to identify any other cases quite as dramatic as that one since then, but that is probably because bacon is a staple of our family's diet and of those dear to us. My mother-in-law is the exception here. She has had some kind of abdominal problem and refuses to adopt the "Take two bacon and call me in the morning" approach. She has not been well for months.
Just within the past week, though, we've had a bacon cure miracle. So far, that miracle has not been verified by the Congregation for the Causes of Bacon, but I expect that to just be a matter of course. So what was this miracle of Bacon, you ask?
Here's the story:
A family member, by marriage, (let's call him Chris) was hastily transported to my house by his friend and landlord. He had been experiencing severe abdominal cramps and the disgusting stuff that comes with said cramps. The symptoms came in waves and the waves came about every 11 minutes. He was a little frightened by the whole thing and just wanted to suffer with people nearby, rather than to suffer alone. The original destination was to be the hospital, but after starting to feel a bit better, they diverted to our house.
Less than a minute after entering the house, he walked hurriedly back outside, for yet another bout of stomach malady. That was his last episode of acute abdominal distress. Period.
A few minutes later, he came back inside.
Here is the miraculous part.
A full day prior, my son, a journeyman bacon preparer in his own right, cooked himself some bacon. He is not the best at maintaining a clean cooking environment, and the smell of warm bacon grease stayed in the house well into the following day. The bacon effluvium still lingered as Chris arrived.
We waited approximately 11 minutes to see if another wave of cramps and nausea recurred. It did not. We waited another 11 minutes. Still nothing. In the meantime I got all the day's laundry folded and sorted.
Chris drank some water.
Eleven minutes later, still nothing.
Another 22 minutes with no symptoms and I brought him back home.
The only thing that the miracle investigative committee could find that might be related to his sudden and complete cure was the lingering smell of bacon.
Not only does bacon have anti-viral qualities, but I believe that even just the faint remnant of bacon fragrance has the ability to improve the health of the flora of the gut. Hence, the immediate cessation of Chris' abdominal distress.
That was six months ago. I have not been able to identify any other cases quite as dramatic as that one since then, but that is probably because bacon is a staple of our family's diet and of those dear to us. My mother-in-law is the exception here. She has had some kind of abdominal problem and refuses to adopt the "Take two bacon and call me in the morning" approach. She has not been well for months.
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| Tyra Banks loves her some bacon |
Here's the story:
A family member, by marriage, (let's call him Chris) was hastily transported to my house by his friend and landlord. He had been experiencing severe abdominal cramps and the disgusting stuff that comes with said cramps. The symptoms came in waves and the waves came about every 11 minutes. He was a little frightened by the whole thing and just wanted to suffer with people nearby, rather than to suffer alone. The original destination was to be the hospital, but after starting to feel a bit better, they diverted to our house.Less than a minute after entering the house, he walked hurriedly back outside, for yet another bout of stomach malady. That was his last episode of acute abdominal distress. Period.
A few minutes later, he came back inside.
Here is the miraculous part.
A full day prior, my son, a journeyman bacon preparer in his own right, cooked himself some bacon. He is not the best at maintaining a clean cooking environment, and the smell of warm bacon grease stayed in the house well into the following day. The bacon effluvium still lingered as Chris arrived.
We waited approximately 11 minutes to see if another wave of cramps and nausea recurred. It did not. We waited another 11 minutes. Still nothing. In the meantime I got all the day's laundry folded and sorted.
Chris drank some water.
Eleven minutes later, still nothing.
Another 22 minutes with no symptoms and I brought him back home.
The only thing that the miracle investigative committee could find that might be related to his sudden and complete cure was the lingering smell of bacon.
Not only does bacon have anti-viral qualities, but I believe that even just the faint remnant of bacon fragrance has the ability to improve the health of the flora of the gut. Hence, the immediate cessation of Chris' abdominal distress.
Eat more bacon!
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